


i want more of you

by LoverBoo



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - Normal Life, And Bukkeu, Artist Seungkwan, Boo Bookkeu, Boo Bukkeu - Freeform, Butt Slapping, Casual Sex, Childhood Friends, Denial of Feelings, Domestic Fluff, Eventual Romance, F/M, Friends With Benefits, I love him, I promise there will be, Light Smut, Porn With Plot, Reader is a softie, Romance, Seokmin and Jun are celebs, Sleeping Together, Slice of Life, Smut, being twenty-something aged white collar is a bit lonely, bookkeu, i'll add tags as i go, y/n
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2019-08-29 08:00:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16740163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoverBoo/pseuds/LoverBoo
Summary: The lives of young-adult white-collar workers are a bit lonely. He's tired of getting dumped and she's tired of getting rejected. People they could find are empty of feelings, anyways. Both will continue looking for their loves of life but they'll support each other on the way.i.e.Boo Seungkwan is a 24-year-old graphics designer. You are a 24-year-old company worker. You're good friends and you want to try something.





	1. The Deal

“Seungkwan, here!” You waved your hand to get your old friend’s attention. When he saw you, he smiled and walked faster towards your table.  
“How are you doing?” he asked as he sat.  
“I have lots of things to tell you but they can wait, you?”  
“Good, the work is going great. Last month I was transferred to a new unit which has a more relaxed approach to our job, people are nice and helpful.” He always loved art and design. After he graduated as a graphic designer, he had disappointing experiences with companies and after changing jobs 3 times, he found this place. They didn’t pay much but they appreciated his ideas, they gave him freedom in his creative works, he was happy.  
  
You watched his rant with a smile on your face. He was still the same soft-hearted, hardworking and apple-cheeked kid who moved into your neighborhood 11 years ago. You went to same middle school but different high schools and different colleges, that’s why you grew apart with time but after graduation, you found each other and became friends again.  
  
In the last 2 years that you became friends again, you realized he was a workaholic. Even when he was unemployed, he worked on projects. When he was employed in this job he really loved, he tried to work extra hours but his company rejected by saying they can’t let him do that so now he was trying to work faster and without distractions in work hours.  
  
“This is the exact reason why you can’t have girlfriends longer than 2 months,” You said. His face fell; he left the fried chicken in his hand and started circling his beer in the glass.  
“Don’t remind me,” he mumbled. He broke up with another girlfriend, apparently.  
“Don’t worry, you’re a nice and fun guy, you’ll find a better one.”  
“They dump me by saying that I’m a nice guy but I don’t spend time with them so they feel neglected. They say I don’t call or message them during the day and they go mad about this. I don’t call them because I’m at work where I have to work!”  
“You love your job more than your girlfriends,” you said with a tiny laugh.  
“Because my job doesn’t yell at me for ridiculous reasons!” He was angry and his face showed his anger so perfectly that you couldn’t hold your laugh. “What?! Is it funny?!”  
“Your face is as expressive as your words! That’s funny.”  
“Don’t laugh. I’m talking about a serious thing here.” He was really serious. You minimized your laugh to a smile. He stopped the waiter. “I’ll have another beer.” He turned to you. “Do you want anything?”  
“French fries, please,” you said after checking the big plate of fried chickens you share with Seungkwan and waiter took a note before leaving.  
“This is a sensitive topic for me.”  
“I believe that one day you’ll find someone you’ll accept you with your workaholism and love you as you are.” You said with confidence, it was your genuine thought.  
“You’re too optimistic, that’s why you fall for anyone easily.” He took a bite from his chicken.  
“Yah! I don’t fall for anyone! I have a type!”  
“What were the things you wanted to tell me? If you have a crush again, skip that part.”  
“You’re annoying!” You said with anger. “Yeah, I have a crush but-“  
“Skip, please.”  
“I’m not telling you anything!” He laughed at your anger because he knew you couldn’t stay angry more than a few minutes. You started to laugh with him. “But still, I’m angry that you make fun of my feelings!”  
  
When you got on a taxi he fell on your lap accidentally, you had a difficult time holding yourself from grabbing that Ass™. You turned your eyes to outside as Seungkwan seated properly, the driver asked you where you wanted to go. Seungkwan said your address.  
  
“I didn’t finish telling you the things! I have more gossips!” You pouted. “How about you come over and we’ll continue? I’ll make you tea. You love tea.”  
“It’ll be late, I have to go to work tomorrow.”  
“Pleaaasseeee,” you tried to shoot him a puppy look but you were bad at it.  
“Ok, but I’ll stay only a few hours.”  
  
It wasn’t just a few hours, it became the whole night.  
  
You were talking furiously about things before it came to the topic of relationships. “You know what? The best is finding a friend with benefits! Because the guys I meet always, always want to keep it as sex partners, they don’t love me, they don’t want to get serious but again, they’re trying to control me. At least, friends with benefits decide everything at the start. They don’t expect things from each other, they have sex from time to time and stay friends. Good for both sides. It’s just, I need to find someone.”  
“How about me?” He asked before drinking tea and hiding half of his face behind the cup.  
“About you what?”  
“I’m your friend, I’m single, I can benefit you.” He was still hiding behind the cup.  
  
You stopped. You always thought Seungkwan was cute but you've never thought of him as a partner. Even more than that, you didn’t think it was possible for him to find you hot. Maybe he didn’t think you were hot but still wanted to have sex with you anyway. Whichever it was, you didn’t care. You just wanted to have a right to say in this. You put your tea down and turned to him.  
  
“Ok but I want to make some rules.” He nodded as he left the cup on the coffee table. “We won’t catch romantic feelings for each other. And we won’t interfere with other’s life. I can’t stand it if you try to stop me from going somewhere or doing something. I take my decisions on my own.”  
“Yeah. And you won’t make a drama about me and my work.”  
“Exactly. And we won’t bother each other with gestures or buying gifts. Anything that can give hope to other is forbidden.”  
“And we’ll be honest about everything. I know you don’t lie but sometimes you tend to hide things. Don’t. And I will be honest too.”  
“We can date other people. But if one of us starts a serious relationship, this deal will be over, because I won’t help you cheat your girlfriend.”  
“I don’t cheat,” he said with a scuff.  
“Men don’t like giving up on easy sex and committing someone.”  
“I’m not like that. I’ve never cheated on someone and I’m proud of this.”  
“Some else? Do you have anything in your mind?” You asked.  
“I’ll be careful to use condoms but please, be protected. Pills or IUD or anything. The last thing I want now is news of an unwanted pregnancy.”  
“You’re a smart guy. I have IUD but I don’t tell my partners because they offer bare sex. By the way, did you get tested?”  
“Yeah, a week after my break-up.”  
“I didn’t have sex since my annual control.” He giggled. “What?”  
“How many weeks since then? Or months?”  
“You’re asking for death now!” You got up and yelled at him while he was giggling. “It’s not my fault that I get rejected nowadays.”  
“C’mon, get their revenge here,” he said pulling you down to the sofa by holding your arms.  
“Revenge? How?” You were confused.  
“Come here,” he said and lightly grabbed your neck. His kiss was a gentle one but it was full of want. You needed something like this, you needed to be kissed like this, needed his strong arms pushing your body to his. He was giving you exactly what you needed and lust was taking your control.  
  
To be honest, it wasn’t perfect. The first sex is never perfect. But it was good for a first sex. You didn’t know what he liked, where he was sensitive or what his rhythm was. Nor did he know about yours. But he asked, he wanted to learn, he tried his best. In response, you asked him too. Talking while doing it was new to you and it was distracting but it was a different kind of communication. Sharing your secret likes and desires was giving you different feelings. You had never talked about your desires freely like this before. It made you feel free and seeing that he doesn't judge you made you even more confident.  
  
When you both got tired and satisfied, you lay next to each other. The Boo Seungkwan you saw was different than the one a few hours ago. You weren’t attracted to him as you felt towards your crushes but he was beautiful. His face looked like it was sculpted by a hand. Maybe it was because you knew he was a good person. The people you love (as a friend, in this case) look beautiful to you, even if they have flaws. You smiled.  
  
“Thank you, Seungkwan,” you said. He opened his eyes to look at you. “Will we thank each other every time?” he asked, he was trying to understand if this was another rule. “No. I just wanted to thank you for accepting this. I think this will help me in many ways.” “No problem. It’ll be good for me too.” He yawned. “I’ll wake up early, I’ll be silent not to wake you up. Good night.” “Good night,” you said, you turned the lights off and fell asleep next to your friend. 


	2. The Art Gallery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seungkwan, the young graphic artist which is also your fwb, wants to see an exhibition. Things happen. 
> 
> Get ready for sum smut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for my sh*tty writing but I can't stop :( I have 2 more fics I need to update and I feel guilty but my work is tiring me a lot so I can only do the "impulsive writing", just writing without a plan, which produces, chapters like this.
> 
> I wanted to keep this work at implied smut level but then Blue Haired Boo Seungkwan With Leather Pants happened. And there aren't enough Seungkwan smut stories that'll help me through this heat-AHEM WHATEVER Thank you for clicking and reading until here. Love you, Carats <3

“Are you free on this Saturday? There’s an exhibition of an artist I really admire but Hansol is busy, Seungcheol has a date with a guy named Jeonghan. It may be boring for you but I don’t want to go there alone.” He called you on Monday evening. You didn’t have any plan for that day so you accepted. “Great, I’ll buy you dinner!”

“Remember the rule about buying things to each other…”

“It’s not about the deal, it’s about helping me out in a difficult situation. And you’ll understand what I mean there.”

He was right.

This wasn’t what you expected at an art exhibition. For the starters, you thought there would be fewer people, they would be reserved people and the whole exhibition would be in silence other than a piece of nice classical music playing in the background.

The owner of the gallery was an old woman whose laughter distracted everyone in the place. She and her same-aged friends were behaving as if it was an old-ladies-party; they were talking loud, making gossips, drinking wine and stopping the young handsome men to flirt with. When they put their eyes on Seungkwan and wanted to approach him, he stood close to you and linked your arms together. You smiled.

“You don’t want to be hunted by them, is that why you invited me?” you whispered. He nodded quickly. “Coming here with Hansol would be worse, don’t you think?” you asked.

“He argued with them once.” You raised your brows. Hansol? Arguing with someone? It sounded weird. “He said he didn’t want to be disturbed while studying the art pieces, when they kept flirting he said they were being disrespectful and asked them to leave him, us, alone. So they just watch him afar.”

“Wow,” you said. “I don’t know Hansol well but he looked as if he couldn’t get angry at anything.” Hansol was Seungkwan’s close friend from college, you met him on many occasions but you weren’t close.

“He’s strict at his job,” he said and stepped closer to the work. What you saw in the painting was a weirdly shaped human and lots of colors. You didn’t understand a thing but it felt good when you looked at it. It felt balanced and it had a... Feeling… It was like hearing a foreign language; you didn’t understand the meaning but you could feel the emotions while Seungkwan understood it with its tiny details.

Then you saw something much more interesting for you; Seungkwan’s face. His cheeks were blushed whenever he looked at works, his eyes were serious while analyzing, and his mouth was a little open. His eyes were sparkling while he was talking about how the artist used shades of blue to express the silent-sad-emptiness (or something like that) which was the main theme in this artist’s works. His happiness was another artwork, you thought.

You were bored a bit and angry at the ladies (they talked about how your outfit was too casual for an important event like this) (Seungkwan assured you that nothing was wrong with your outfit) but your prize to endure these was a free dinner. “What do you want to have?” he asked. “Uhm, it wasn’t too bad so that ramen place is more than enough.”

“You said Seungcheol has a date?” you said while eating.

“Yea, he’s whipped,” he said, his mouth was full. “Jeonghan’s company wanted to be our client so they’ve sent Jeonghan to sign the contract. He’s attractive, I should say. He’s beautiful, his face is like an angel’s.” He started describing Jeonghan with passion. Seungkwan liked beautiful things and this was one of the moments you could see the world from his perspective. “Of course, Seungcheol fell in love. He was chatting with him before the meeting; he was so happy and excited that we all understood he liked Jeonghan. After the meeting, Seungcheol got his number and today was their first date. I hope it went well because if it didn’t, we’ll have to face a very sad and irritable Seungcheol in the office.” He dipped his chopsticks in the ramen again.

“How about you? Don’t you have any love interest nowadays?” you asked while wiggling your eyebrows.

“No.” He said straightly.

“You’re handsome, I’m sure there are girls waiting for you to approach them.”

“I’m tired,” he said with a sigh. “I don’t want to spend time and effort just to satisfy someone’s expectations and hear complains. I’m fine. And…” He was looking for the right words. “Thanks to our deal, I don’t ‘need’ someone.”

It was the 3rd week of your deal (5 days of it was your period). The first time was really bad, you understood in following meet-ups. As you talked about each other and tried things together, it went better. In fact, he helped you learn about your own body; he asked you if you liked kisses on your stomach, you realized you had no idea so you tried and learned that you were ticklish there. Your previous partners didn’t have enough number of sexes with you to learn about you. He was kind and enthusiastic so he did his best to give you pleasure. And he… He liked praises, he liked his inner thighs to be kissed, he liked grasping your body parts strongly and he liked kissing your neck.

It was much better than what you expected. You thought that you’d get bored of loveless sex because it wouldn’t please you, but it did. A lot. So much that you wanted to use every chance to bring it to sex. And he seemed to agree with you.

While leaving the ramen place, he put his hand on your waist and whispered to your ear: “Do you want to come over?” You smiled and nodded slightly.

As soon as he closed the door of his house, he pulled you closer and locked your lips. Kissing him was always a unique pleasure: his plump lips were very nice to bite, his warm tongue was trying to invade your mouth, his hands caressing your sensitive body and everything he did, sent shivers down your spine.

“Ride me, Y/N” he whispered into your ear while he was taking you to his bed. “Ride me like the good girl you are,” he said. You had goosebumps all over for the “good girl”.

“I like that.” You said while he bowed down to find a condom in his nightstand. His ass and his thighs looked deliciously thick, you gulped and stopped yourself from grabbing. You knew he disliked the fact that he had a thick ass and you didn’t want to ruin the steam you both had at the moment.

“I thought you may have submissive tendencies.” He said while climbing back to bed.

“Yeah, I like it when you take the control and make me do things, I like obeying you.” He shivered at your last sentence and condom was about to fall from his hand. He looked at you with surprise and a new fire in his eyes. You gulped and continued. “But I had never felt safe enough to say this before our deal.”

“You feel safe now?” He said while giving a few pumps to his member after putting the condom on.

“I know you won’t hurt me and you’ll stop if everything becomes too much, so, yeah, I feel safe enough to share this.” Your hand replaced his hand and you started stroking his hard member. You kissed him shortly and whispered to his ear: “Will you fuck me senseless, daddy?”

“Yeah, daddy will fuck you until you can’t think of anything other than my cock,” he said with a deep whisper. He kissed your neck and you pushed him onto the bed. You started kissing him and in no time you grabbed his cock, lined it with your entrance and slowly pushed it in. You let out tiny moans with the feeling of his dick filling you inch by inch.

“Good girl, taking me so good” He whispered into your mouth. You pecked him before sitting upright and start moving.

In less than a minute, you found yourself riding him furiously. As if you were hungry for this, you did your best until your breathing was cut in your throat with excitement. “Relax and take a breath, baby,” he said while squeezing your waist. He was worried a bit. “No need to rush, we have all the night.”

“I want to reach my peak, daddy” you whined while his hands caressed your now thighs. “Please!”

“I’ll get you there, baby, don’t worry. Just enjoy my cock filling you” he said and thrust. “I wanna see your play with your clitoris, baby, C'mon, do it.”

You took a deep breath and your right hand found your clit. It was sensitive as always so you circled it twice and rubbed your little labias. You easily relaxed and started feeling high. Seungkwan distracted you by holding your free hand. You looked at him. “Better now?”

“Yes.” You sighed.

“When you get tired, say so baby.” He squeezed your hand before leaving it to hold your waist again. You started moving again. His head was on the pillow, he was watching how you fucked yourself on him. “Y/N...”

You brushed your hair back with your fingers and look at him, your mouth was open and you could feel your saliva threatening to fall off your lips. You were high, really high; you were at the edge and you needed something, just a little more stimulation to come.

“You are fucking hot,” he said and slapped your butt, you starting coming with a loud whine. You hole was contracting frequently and he was moaning with every tightening on his dick. “Ugh, it’s too much…” he groaned.

When your orgasm was over, you sighed and fell onto him. “It was so good, Seungkwan,” you mumbled onto his chest.

“I could barely stop myself from coming,” he said. “C’mon baby, turn around,” he said and you were piled on the mattress. He carefully placed pillows under you and positioned you, you smiled into the pillow because he was still the kind, considerate man you knew. “So, did you like the slap?”

“Yes, oh my, it was perfect.”

“Ready for more?”

“Ye-YES!” Your voice got louder with his slap and your right ass cheek burned sweetly.

“It wiggles!” He sounded angry and he quickly entered you. Thrusts created wet sounds and you liked hearing them with Seungkwan’s little sighs. “Another,” he said and slapped your left cheek, causing you to moan loudly.

“Faster, daddy, please, faster” you begged and he kindly granted your wish.

“Anything for my baby.” He splayed his hand on your lower back and pushed it down. “Now squeeze me, baby.” You contracted your hole, he groaned and his thrusts became faster. “You’re so good, baby, so good for your daddy. I’ll give you another prize for being good.”

Room was filled with skin slapping noises, wet sounds from your hole and moans from both of you. He bent on your back and started touching your clitoris. “Daddy, don’t stop!!” you screamed.

“I won’t stop until you come” he whispered into your ear, his breath was tickling behind your ear and he sucked your neck. You pushed your ass against him desperately, trying to reach your peak.

“Da-daddy. Talk dirty to me…” You could say between your fast breaths.

“You’re so hot, baby, I want to fuck you for day and night. I want to fuck your fat ass so hard-UGH!” You starting coming and you contracted so hard that it triggered his orgasm too and both of you came, you were still coming even after he was done. He pulled his hand back from your clitoris and lay next to you. It took minutes to catch your breath.

"Which was..." He left his question incomplete.

"Fat ass... I like my ass," you said. He smirked and after a moment, a peaceful smile replaced it. “All of it was really good, Seungkwan.” 

“You were really good.” He said. “I wanted you to take control, to do this thing the way you wanted. I wanted you to enjoy it so I could enjoy it even more.”

You blinked. “Did you?”

“Yes, watching a woman come is really delicious. It’s much better if I’m the one making her come.”

“I…” You were hesitant to say this; second sex is still too early, you thought. But you wanted to share it. “I have never, umm, while having sex, I’ve never come before you.”

His eyes got bigger with surprise. “You’ve never come before?”

“I did but only by masturbation.”

“Oh…” He looked at you with compassion and held your hand to squeeze it. It was the second time he did this gesture. “I’ll do my best to help you reach your peak.”

“Thank you, you already did many times.” You giggled and he mirrored you. He looked at the ceiling, he was thinking about something but you were too tired to ask what it was. Your eyes closed, his hand still holding yours lightly. “Good night.”

“No, don’t sleep!” he said. You opened your eyes.

“Why? I’m tired.”

“It’s too early, Y/N!” he said.

“Just for half an hour,” you begged. He sighed.

“Half an hour, it is. After that, I’ll show you my house.” You nodded but your eyes were already closed and the sleep was taking over you.


	3. I'll Be Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a short chapter and it's not what you think. No. Not that easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that I didn't update for weeks(months?). I've come to realize that this story needed to be planned because it will be longer than I thought. Impulsive writing makes it worse so I decided to take it slow and write new chapters properly. Thank you for the wait <3

“Did you see how he told him the answer behind the table? He’s so good at cheating!” Seungkwan shouted which made you giggle. He was really passionate, so much that even though both of you were tired from the sex, he still had the energy to shout like this. You reached to the popcorn bowl and took it from his hands.  
“And do you see how many popcorns you’ve spilled?!” you said, he saw the spilled ones on the floor and shrugged.  
“Whatever, I’ll clean them later, they’re not important right now! Jun is cheating so comfortably!”  
“He’s a pro at this,” you said. “To be honest, it’s so fun to watch him win everything.”  
“But!! He’s!! Cheating!!!”  
“But!!! It’s!!! Fun!!!” you mimicked him. “You’re like this just because you support the other team, right? Seokmin is always your weak point.”  
“He’s so innocent, like an angel,” he pouted. “Of course I’ll support him. Don’t you see how hard he’s trying…” His plump lips looked so cute you wanted to kiss them but… You were friends, not boyfriend and girlfriend, so you turned to TV and sighed silently.  
“So this is the reason why you don’t step out of the home in Saturday nights,” you said when the advertisement break started.  
“I believe this is a very good reason to stay at home,” he said before getting up. He was about to pass by you and you had an idea.  
“Don’t get mad at me,” you said very fast and slapped his butt. His shocked face was priceless. “I’ve always wanted to do this.”  
“Why?” he said with an open mouth. He wasn’t mad but he looked annoyed. “Why are women obsessed with my butt? I genuinely don’t understand.”  
“Because,” you looked up to him and started talking in a cute tone, “Your butt looks so good.”  
“I mean, yeah, my butt is big but why do women like butts? I thought they would like muscles.”  
“I don’t know why but looking at a good butt… Uhm, how do I say… It looks full and it feels good to look at it. If the butt is good, everything’s alright.”  
He laughed so hard that he was about to fall onto you. “Everything’s alright?” he could say breathlessly.  
“Yeah, that’s the exact wording,” you said while watching him go to the kitchen. He was still laughing. “Will you let me touch it from now on?” you shouted after him.  
“Your question can have different meanings and I’ll say yes to all of them.”  
“Perfect.” You smirked and started planning different situations.  
“By the way,” he put 2 glasses of water on the coffee table, “I’m about to start a new project with an important stationery company. Wish me luck.”  
“You can do it!” you made a fist and bumped to his. “Get that job done and be proud!”  
“I’ll do my best,” he said while sitting again. “The thing is; I got permission from Seungcheol and boss to keep working after the work hours because the project is a big one, I’ll design more than ten or twelve items and this is my first time to take a part in such a big project. I might have to redo the designs many times and the time period will be limited. I’m really excited.”  
“This sounds so like you,” you said. “Don’t forget to eat your meals and drink some water.”  
“As you can understand, I won’t be able to meet you frequently,” he said.  
“Which will last for?”  
“I’m not sure but 6-8 weeks I’m guessing.”  
“8 weeks without sex…” You sighed. You got so used to unwinding your stress in his arms and the sweet pleasure he always gave you…  
“We can see each other but not as frequent as this.”  
“Don’t feel pressured, you don’t owe me sex. I can see it’s a very important project for you, just do your best, I’m rooting for you,” You hi-fived him and saw his relaxed face. “Were you worried that I would object?”  
“No. Yes. A bit. I expected you to ask me for a promise to meet you once a week or like that.”  
“No, I won’t push you to anything. Please, don’t feel like that.”  
He smiled. His smile was peaceful, excited, happy and thankful. You smiled back, knowing that he’ll be happy while he was away. You knew that you would miss him a lot, you decided to be patient and wait for him.  
“Then, can I stay over tonight?” you asked.  
“Yeah, of course, I stayed over at yours many times,” he answered without taking his eyes off of the screen.  
“Another round tonight or tomorrow morning?” You asked with hesitation. He gulped but tried to play it cool.  
“Yeah, why not?”

 

On Monday, in the morning meeting with the department, your director asked you to collect some data about a topic and prepare a presentation next week. Well, you thought you got rid of “presentations” when you graduated but apparently you couldn’t. In fact, you knew this would happen sooner or later but you thought they would let you finish your first year. They didn’t.  
And for the data, you had to visit the archive room. Yeah, the archive room. The one with huge folders and lots of papers. Your company just didn’t get those papers scanned and imported to their digital library. So you had to scan them (with your eyes), analyze and make a presentation about your conclusions. Not your dream job but you had to earn your money.  
Your dream job? You didn’t know.  
After the meeting, you immediately went to the basement floor and found where the archive room is. It was dusty, as expected, and you held your breath as you searched for the folders you needed. As you hugged a pile of them, you took the elevator and when you reached your floor, you walked out. You didn’t see the men walking across. You ran into them and some folders fell with one of the men. “I’m sorry” you repeated while helping the guy stand up. He kept smiling and said it wasn’t important.  
“Ugh, they’re hiring very stupid people nowadays,” another one of the men said as you collected the papers from the floor. The fallen guy was helping you.  
“Don’t mind him, he just lost a bet 10 minutes ago,” he whispered, you looked at him with surprise and smiled. “What’s your name?”  
“Y/N, from the Accountancy.”  
“David, from the R&D, nice to meet you,” he said while handing you the papers he collected. You smiled and thanked him. “See you again,” he said before walking to the hallway his friends got in.  
He was handsome. He was tall, his eyes were a nice tone of green and his hair was caramel-brown. His suit accentuated his broad shoulders and he looked nice.  
Whatever, you thought. Handsome guys were handsome, beautiful girls were beautiful; none of them was your business. Interestingly, for the first time in many years, you felt okay by being single and you didn’t feel any urge to crush on someone.


	4. The First Sunray of Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it doesn't have much romance :(

“Then he called me liberal snowflake! Just because I didn’t agree with his racist opinions! I couldn’t stand it anymore, Y/N! I paid for my meal and left him right there. He messaged me things like ‘We shouldn’t let politics hurt our relationship’ as if it was only about politics. No, it’s not politics! If he thinks it’s ok to kill people for their skin colors, he’s a killer himself! This kind of people still exist, I can’t believe it. And he thinks I can date him without caring about his opinions.”  
Another ignorant man, another disappointment, another end… Jessica was an expert at finding this kind of stupid men. It was so hard to find a man with the same mindset and without fragile masculinity… You sighed and took another sip of your tea, still leaning on the wall next to the vending machine, listening to your co-worker’s rant.  
“I’m sorry but are you sure about letting the whole office know how you dated a racist?” David appeared out of nowhere and greeted you. You greeted him back. He put some coins in the machine and pressed the buttons to buy… A coke.  
“Sorry that I talk loudly but I’m very angry,” Jessica answered back.  
“It must be a frustrating experience, I understand. By the way, I’m David,” he said. Jessica introduced herself too. He opened the can and stood next to you. “How about you, Y/N?”  
“About me, what?” You said.  
“Have you dated a racist?” He asked and looked into your eyes with his green ones. His looks felt like piercing your brain, this was the reason why you didn’t like guys with colored eyes.  
“No,” you answered shortly. There was a silence where you could feel Jessica’s curious eyes on you, David’s brain working to find an ice-breaker topic and you just looked at the floor.  
“I… I came here to ask for your help about something,” he said. You looked at his face but regretted it in seconds. He was handsome and he was directly looking at you. He shouldn’t have. “My team is re-evaluating the previous projects about workers’ bonuses to increase productivity in specific departments and we need the data of the payments.”  
“I hope you know that the data you want won’t be just a few papers,” you said and sipped your tea. He gulped.  
“How many pages?”  
“Give me some specific information: which departments, which kind of personnel, the time period etc.”  
“I have them!” he said excitedly and dipped his hand in his pocket to pull a piece of paper, ripped on the corners.  
“I wonder how R&D department looks like,” you mumbled while looking at the paper. Jessica giggled, David looked at her, then you.   
“Make a guess about how it looks like,” he smiled. His smile was a bright one, you hated handsome men, they knew they were handsome and they behaved by that.  
“It must be like, super messy. You don’t have proper post-its or block-notes, you just have A4s everywhere and you rip them to take notes and make paper planes. Colorful beanbag chairs, color pencils, you know, ‘Creative like a child’,” you said while waiting for him to hand you the paper.  
“No, it’s just like your offices. It’s just, I was out of cube block notes so I had to rip an A4,” he handed you the paper. You smiled because you went off out of nowhere because you always thought R&D was an office for smart brats who just do genius brat things without proper office rules. Like the famous Google office with slides and swings.  
“Ok, I can list them in a PDF,” you said. “Today, after the work, I’ll make the list and send it to your e-mail address.”  
“I’ll write it down,” he took the paper from your hand with a smile, gave you his coke to hold and wrote it on the other side of the paper.  
“You carry a pen in your front pocket?” Jessica said with a giggle.  
“Yeah!” He said to her with a grin, taking the coke back. “Like an old man. But old men knew it well, it’s quite useful!” He turned to you. “Thank you. I’ll go back to my ‘messy’ desk so I’ll write my report with ‘color pencils’.”  
“Sorry if I offended you,” you said with a sad face. He grinned again.  
“No, not at all. See you,” he said and left.  
“Who is he and how do you know him?” Jessica started asking his curious questions.  
“I don’t know. I mean, he helped me when I dropped some folders last Monday but that’s all.”  
“You can’t deceive me, Y/N,” she said.  
“Really, that’s all. Maybe he’s an over-friendly person.”  
“Do you like him?” she poked your side and started walking towards your desks.  
“No, I don’t.”  
When you sat on your desk, it was covered with folders, again. You sighed and continued from where you left. It was Thursday, you planned on finishing the presentation on Friday so you would have two days to practice. But now you weren’t sure if you could make it in time.  
When the clock hit 17:00 and everyone left the office, you saved your project and started browsing the archives for David’s list. You were merging the payment amounts and rates list when someone pulled a chair next to you.   
“Oh my, you scared me.”  
“I’m seeing that you’re doing a good job,” David said while looking at the screen.   
“I’ve done things like this all the time in my first year here.” Good old days… Making lists was easy.  
“What are you working on?” he touched the folders on your desk.  
“I’ll make a presentation on Monday.”  
“About?”  
“Complicated financial things,” you said grumpily. He laughed.  
“Do you hate your job?”  
“I don’t. Maybe I do. I don’t know. My best friend is in love with his job, his boss forbade him to work overtime. And look at me. I’m suffering.”  
“Your friend is the odd one, I think,” he said and took the mouse and started checking the numbers. “You don’t have to have a dream job. If you can do a job and it brings you money, that’s all.”  
“How old are you? 50?” You giggled.  
“I’m being logical here.”  
“You should’ve told me to follow my dreams and I’ll be happy forever.”  
“No, that would be a lie,” he was serious. “Life isn’t always rainbows and butterflies and happy ever after.”  
“There are 3-4 more lists, let me add them,” you said after the long silence spent with him examining the numbers. He watched you clicking and clicking. When you hit the “Send the mail” button, he thanked you.  
“You’ve spent time and effort on this, let me buy you a lunch,” he said.  
“No, thank you, it’s nothing important.”  
“It’s important for me, you didn’t have to do it but you did it and saved me,” he said. You looked at him, he wanted to express his gratitude and it would be rude to reject again.   
“Ok but I’m very busy this week so I work in lunch breaks too. A day in next week, maybe.”  
“Got it. Can I have your number so we can keep in touch?” You gave him your number, he smiled and thanked you.  
When he left, you exhaled and remembered Seungkwan. You wanted to call him but you remembered how he didn’t want to be disturbed while working, so you just sent a message saying “You can call me when you’re free.”   
He didn’t call on that evening.  
He called you on next evening. He sounded excited, his progress was good, Seungcheol praised him, it looked like he could finish the project a week earlier than deadline but Seungcheol told him it may not go smoothly and that’s alright, deadlines are called “dead” "line” for a reason. And even though you didn’t ask, he explained why he couldn’t call you yesterday: he had a date. Chan, his co-worker, got him a blind date with his friend from college. Even though he was busy, Chan insisted, so he had to go. The girl was nice and cute so it went well.   
“You remember the rule about cheating, right?” you said grumpily while flipping the pages of the last folder. Yes, you were still working in the evening.  
“Y/N, it has been one date.”  
“Let me know when it gets serious.”  
He sighed. “I will.”  
You were irritated with the fact that he had time to go on a date in his (supposedly) jammed schedule. You knew that you shouldn’t be because it was his life and even if spending an evening on a date would hinder his project(which, it wouldn’t), you didn’t have any right to say anything.   
The reason for your irritation wasn’t that he spent an evening without work. You were irritated because he spent his evening with a “nice and cute girl”.  
The truth hit you like an iron punch.  
You were about to break your own rule: “We won’t catch romantic feelings for each other.”  
You were jealous. You shouldn’t be.   
Being friends doesn’t work like that.  
The iron punch hit you again. You stopped typing the data and took your head in your hands.   
It hurt. A lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of things happened in my life, work was busy and I was busy, it took too much time to update. I've planned the route of this fiction but did I wrote all the chapters? No. I can't reach that level of professionalism. Not yet.
> 
> Comments are very appreciated <3
> 
> Boo Seungkwan I love you, you are the bestest man ever!! <3


	5. Our Walk on November 8th

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter wasn't in my initial plan but it just happened. Impulsive writing, I would say.
> 
> It's Mr. Boo Seungkwan's fault that I love him a lot. 
> 
>  
> 
> [ he's clapping for me because I wrote this instead of doing my homework, good job!](https://mobile.twitter.com/soIarboo/status/1114299382755676164)

Your lips were on his, you were kissing him slowly while sitting on his lap and holding onto his neck. His hands were grabbing your waist tightly while you were grinding on his hardness. Your whole body was burning; you wanted him to touch you everywhere, every single part of your body. You two parted so you could breathe properly, he was panting just like you. You placed your forehead on his. “I missed you a lot, 11 days without you, too long…” you whispered without opening your eyes.

“But you see me almost every day,” a male voice said. It wasn’t Seungkwan’s voice.

It wasn’t Seungkwan’s voice. You opened your eyes to see green eyes, instead of Seungkwan’s warm brown ones. “David?”

You woke up in sweat. You were aroused as fuck, and confused as fuck. Were you aroused because you thought you were making out with Seungkwan? Or because you were making out with David? How the fuck could you have a wet dream like this? Every day, you managed to find new questions like these. You sighed and checked your watch: 4 am. You closed your eyes to fall back asleep.

It’s been 11 days since you last saw Seungkwan Boo, 7 days since you last talked to him and realized your feelings for him, 6 days since you confessed everything to your (neglected) best friend Hannah and she told you ‘not to care about Seungkwan if he already had a girl’, 4 days since you sucked at your presentation and 3 days since your ‘I-didn’t-know-it-was-a-date’ lunch-date with David. Yeah, his ‘thank-you’ lunch became a ‘I want to get to know you’ lunch at the end. You wanted to say ‘we should stay as friends’ because your mind was still full of Seungkwan but you remembered how he had been to a date with a ‘nice and cute’ girl, you wanted to go on a date with ‘nice and cute’ guy. 

David was nice. He liked talking about politics, sociology, science and many things which made your brain work too much. He was open-minded, he liked your weird ideas about businesses, he laughed at your jokes and made you laugh too. He was respectful, asking if he was going too forward when he joked about the story you told. And he didn’t touch you even if he looked like he wanted to. You liked the lunch hour you spent with him; so when he asked if you were available Saturday evening, you said yes. 

Were you attracted to him? Yeah, he was quite handsome and he was nice. Your heart was still aching; you still needed time to heal so you could like someone. But spending time with him was good, why not? Just like how Seungkwan met a girl, you could meet David. 

Still… You felt like you were doing something wrong. You suppressed that feeling immediately because you knew everything was right. It was the first time somebody liked you before you liked them, that was why you felt weird.

In the morning, after greeting colleagues, you sat on your desk and turned your computer on. You opened your daily to-do list on your phone and started writing them on a post-it. “…check the ads’ budget, compare X client’s payment to previous months’, call mom, buy strawberry jam and rice on the way home…” As you finished your list, you added another one: “Let him know.”

David dropped by to confirm “you’ll meet on Saturday”. He looked cheerful and he made you smile too. Jessica complained about her neighbors leaving their smelly trash in front of the door, your manager was angry at some other department’s manager (which was probably a result of general manager’s meeting), the numbers on the screen got more confusing every hour, and you already drank 2 coffees.

You were anxious about reaching Seungkwan. This was the thing ruined your day.

You called him. He answered just before you gave up. “Hello?”  
“Hello Seungkwan, how are you?”  
“Bad, thanks. You?” He was tired and his voice was about to crack.  
“I’m fine. Do you want to talk? You don’t sound good.”  
“It sucks… I won’t talk, it just gets worse as I talk about it.”  
You didn’t know what to say. “I don’t know much about design things but in my opinion, if Seungcheol thinks you can do it, that means you are capable of doing it.”  
“I know that I can do it but I’m so furious now,” he sighed. You looked at the clock, it was past 8pm.  
“Can you stop for today? Or do you have to keep working tonight?”  
“I have to…”  
“Ok, how about taking a break for 30 minutes? Just to distract yourself?”  
“I tried but I can’t stop thinking about it.” You heard something clanking and his hiss.  
“What did you kick?”  
“The stool.”  
“Send me your location.”  
“What?”  
“Send me your location, I’ll make you take a break.”  
“I’m not in the mood to have sex, Y/N,” he said tiredly.  
“No, I didn’t think that way. I’m not calling you just for sex,” You felt shy, remembering how you had sex every time you met him, and your dream from the morning.  
“Ok, call me when you arrive because I’ll open the door for you.”

He looked exhausted. His hair was messy, there were bags under his eyes, and he looked at you like a dead fish. “Yeah, you really need a break.”  
“I can’t…” he mumbled while you tried to fix his hair. You put your hands on his cute cheeks. 

“30 minutes. No, 40 minutes. I promise. Go and put on your jacket,” you said. He nodded and went inside. You got in after him and saw his drawing-screen shining, displaying weird lines all over. It wasn’t mere drawing, you understood. He designed the product overall? 

“I’m ready,” he said. You held his hand and pulled him. You were lucky that his office was just on the 3rd floor of a building in the middle of downtown. As soon as you got out of the building, cold November breeze gave him shivers. You started walking and talking about your mutual school memories like how he always had the first place and you slept through the history classes when he answered all the questions. How you walked to school together while you begged him to show you the homework. How he liked teasing you and seeing you get angry over it.  
“Do you remember the rumor Max tried to start about us?”  
“What? I don’t remember that,” you said while getting in the line for coffee.  
“He said we liked each other but nobody believed him,” he said with a laugh. You gulped and tried to smile.  
“I didn’t know that.”  
“He said we were more than just neighbors but everybody said we were so different that it was impossible,” he was still smiling.  
“My mom used to say you would make a great husband for me but I wasn’t smart enough to keep you,” you said.  
“Your mom loves me a lot,” he grinned. His cheeks were blushed; you knew he liked knowing he’s loved.  
“Yeah, she’ll be super-happy if you visit her,” you said and greeted barista to give your order.

After taking your coffees, you were wandering in the city streets again. You let him talk about his high-school; he was very excited when he mentioned the art club. You didn’t know he dated an older girl, you didn’t know he dumped his first girlfriend to spend more time on art, you didn’t know two girls fought for him in the school canteen and he dated neither of them. You knew the family crisis they had when he explained he planned a career on art but you didn't know his father was the first to support him, even before his sisters. 

“My big sis adopted a Maltese recently, his name is Bukkeu. He’s really cute, you should see him,” he said as he tried to find a photo in his phone gallery. “Oh, we came back to the office?” his cheerfulness faded as he realized you were in the front door. As you got inside the building, you held his arm to stop him.  
“Seungkwan look at me,” you said. His dead looks focused on your eyes. “You are smart, you are hard working, you are always doing your best and pushing your limits. I believe you are capable, your skills are enough, and you can do it. Remember all the things you achieved. You’ll achieve this too. Got it?”  
He nodded and you could see the tears collecting in his beautiful eyes as he hung his head.  
“Answer me, will you do this or not?”  
“I’ll do it,” he said.  
“Louder.”  
“I’ll do it!” he said, looking into your eyes with his starry-bright ones.  
“You’ll do it! That’s my Seungkwan!” The last sentence slipped unintentionally but Seungkwan didn’t seem to mind. He hugged you tightly.  
“Thank you,” he whispered to your ear. Shivers went down your spine and your heart skipped. He was too close, his hug was too tight, and this moment was too intimate.  
You couldn’t remind yourself that you were just friends. You felt as if you belonged in his hug. This was bad.

As you walked instead of taking a cab, you decided again: You were going to date David and ignore your feelings for Seungkwan. You’d forget him as you didn’t see him frequently, you thought. He already had a girl, anyways.


	6. Try Hard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, the things are happening very fast because I'm angry at the person who's the inspiration for David.  
> Yeah, I'm really far away from professionalism. Things get personal really quick.

“Yeah, my flat is here,” you said, turning back to David in front of your building. “Thank you for leaving me home, and for today. I enjoyed it.”  
“I’m glad to hear that,” he smiled. He took a step forward and suddenly you were too close. Your breaths were mixing together, he was looking right into your eyes and expecting a kiss, apparently. After a very nice dinner with a very handsome guy, it must be natural for him to get a kiss.  
“Maybe we can go out again,” you said, smiling. He was still waiting. You gulped and rose on your tiptoes to put a quick kiss on his lips. Just when you were about to pull away, he grabbed your waist and started kissing you passionately.   
“Sorry, I just couldn’t get enough of you,” he said, still holding you after the kiss. You felt like you had to smile so you smiled. “Talk to you later, good night,” he said, cutely waving a hand. You waved back and got in the building.  
As soon as you reached your bathroom, you washed your lips and face. The kiss wasn’t bad, kissing a very handsome guy wasn’t that bad but after the kiss, you regretted. It was still too early for you to kiss him, it didn’t feel right. You sat on a chair in your kitchen, a big glass of water in your hand. You were watching the familiar scene from your window; a street with a few people passing, a tree that shed its last leaves a few days ago, yellow street light and emptiness… You tried to gather your feelings and thoughts. David was nice, the date was really nice, he took you to an Italian restaurant and your conversations were delightful. He had the right to expect a kiss after such a nice date, maybe another girl would invite him upstairs for a coffee… But you didn’t. You should’ve just forgotten about Seungkwan and continue with David. You were stupid enough that you weren’t over him. You were still hesitant towards David.  
You thought that you should do something.  
“I started dating with someone from my company,” you sent the text to Seungkwan. It was past midnight so you didn’t expect an answer.  
“Good luck,” he texted back. Was it sarcastic? Was he reminding your previous date attempts? Was he congratulating you like a good friend? Just when you were about to get angry, the fact that you were still “friends” hit you in the face, again. You let a deep sigh out and keep drinking the water. You couldn’t date another guy and wait for your one-sided-love to get jealous and try to get you back. That just happened in books and movies, not in real life.   
“How is your date going?” Hannah texted.  
“It’s finished,” you sent the message and she called you in a minute.  
“How did it go? Did you kiss? Did you make out?” Hannah was more excited than you.  
“He kissed me, longer than I expected,” you said tiredly.  
“What? Are you complaining? Y/N, since you showed me his photo, I just can’t believe how lucky you are! He’s like a bomb! And as you told about him, he seems to be a good man.”  
“Yeah, he’s very good.”  
“Then?” Hannah expected an answer. You had to think about it for some time.  
“I guess it’s because things are going fast. It’s only the second date and he kissed me very long.”  
“Would it be better if you ran into a guy who’ll wait for weeks to kiss you and months to have sex? Those men are really difficult, baby, I don’t recommend them.”  
“I know, but… I’m confused, I don’t know what to do.”  
“You’re thinking about Seungkwan, am I right?” You didn’t answer but she already knew. “He’s got a girlfriend, Y/N, you have to forget him. You’ve ruined your perfect date because of him, don’t do this again,” she said in an annoyed tone.  
This whole dialogue was the reenact of your inner conversation. You already knew what you should or shouldn’t have done.  
You met David on Tuesday, for a movie date. You’ve prepared yourself for the possible outcomes: Him holding your hand, him kissing you in the darkness and stuff. It should’ve been exciting, you thought.   
It wasn’t.  
His hand holding yours felt like a handcuff, his lips on your felt like a duty you had to do, the smile on your face was a fake one.  
He didn’t seem to realize what was really going on. Maybe he pretended not to realize. You kept acting, hoping that at some point your body would take the control and desire this hot guy so you wouldn’t think of anything, you would just let it flow. As he took you to his house and kisses got even more passionate, you couldn’t let it flow. His praises didn’t reach your ears because your heart was yelling at you.   
You didn’t want him to touch you. He was attractive, smart and lots of good things but you didn’t want him to touch you. You didn’t know him well enough, you didn’t spend enough time to trust him. His hands were a stranger’s and a stranger was holding you tightly close.  
“David, please,” you said while pulling away from your lips. “I am not ready for this much intimacy, not yet.”  
He had a surprised look as if he had heard this for the first time in his life. Maybe it was the fact. “Why?” he asked as you pushed him totally.  
“It’s been a week since we started seeing each other, don’t you think it’s a bit fast?”  
“No,” he said straightforwardly. “Things can get hot even on the first date. Don’t tell me you’re one of those ‘play hard to get’ girls…”  
“I’m not playing hard to get, I don’t feel ready for this, I’m sorry,” you said.  
“When would you get ready?” he asked and at that moment, you understood. He didn’t like you for who you are and he didn’t want to get to know about you. He was after sex.  
“You don’t care about me, you just want sex,” you said coldly.  
“Cmon, don’t say things like this. Of course, I want sex because you’re so hot,” he checked on your body. It was irritating and you shivered in shyness. “You-“  
“Then you’ll have to wait,” you said, closing your eyes tightly. “I am leaving. Good night, David,” you said and left his apartment.  
You hurried outside, the cold weather licked your face and you felt refreshed, saved, safe. His building was in the city center so you decided to walk a bit to clear your mind. You bought a bottle of wine to drink at home, thinking whether this was how alcoholic aunties become alcoholic. You ignored Hannah’s and Jessica’s calls. “Don’t forget the protection ;)” Hannah messaged you. You smiled and lay down on your sofa.  
Running away was the right choice. You felt free, relaxed and glad that you ran away. Having sex with him wouldn’t make you this happy. You gulped more of the wine and as you got drunker, Seungkwan fell into your mind, again. You missed him so you searched his name on ig.   
A post you didn’t see before.  
“It’s our first time meeting. I have a little brother now.”  
He was holding a white, tiny puppy close to his cheek, he was smiling, a fond look was in his eyes. Without knowing what’s going on, you were smiling too and tears were running down your cheeks. You cried looking at his other photos and at some point, you fell asleep like that.  
On Wednesday morning, there was only Seungkwan for you.  
You didn’t know what to do about David. You went on dates but was there something to “break up”? Did you have to do something? Like, break-up talk or something like that? You didn’t want to talk to him, knowing that he didn’t look for a loving relationship. Maybe he had a different approach to relationships, maybe he decided what to expect from a relationship by estimating sex-compatibility? You didn’t care.   
That was why you didn’t also care when you found a paper on your desk in Friday morning, telling you that David had an affair with a married woman and he was using you as a cover-up. “They’ll meet in the R&D department after 17:00,” the paper said. A great paper that’ll save you from Hannah’s grumbles.  
You waited until that time and sneaked into the department. For what? To see it with your own eyes that you were free of him. And after seeing them kissing, you left the office in joy. You knew what to do now.  
“There wasn’t anything to break up but anyways, I’m breaking up with you. Have fun with that lady ;)” you sent the message.   
There was one thing left.  
Seeing them kissing made you crave for kissing someone. You also knew who was that someone.  
“Seungkwan, hello,” you said when he answered your call.


End file.
